Asexual Awareness Week: How I Found My Identity

Hello again, lovelies!

I know it’s been a while since you heard from me. I’ve been rubbish at blogging and honestly I feel a little guilty about it. Even though I have a good reason for it, I still feel like I’m failing you all. So I’m going to try and do better despite everything life is throwing at me because you are important to me. And this blog is as well. I’ll get into more detail about my absence in a later post, but for now, I wanted to celebrate Ace Week with you!

Right now (because sexuality AND gender are both very fluid and can change throughout someone’s life) I identify as panromantic demisexual. And I’m here to tell you how I found that identity.

What does it mean to be Panromantic Demisexual?

Whew, that’s a mouthful, isn’t it? I know, that’s why I usually say I’m queer or ace-spec. But today I felt I should give you the full name of what I identify as.

Now, I know some of you might be wondering: But Bee, what does that mean? And I’m here to give you an answer.

For me this means I can feel romantically attracted to anyone regardless of gender. That’s what panromantic means. Though I’m sure some of you know what demisexual means, but to clarify it for those that don’t know: I don’t feel sexual attraction unless I also feel a close personal connection to that person.

Got it? Good. Let’s move on then!

From Bi to Demi

When I was a young teen, I didn’t know about anything other than Lesbian, Gay and Bi. I vaguely heard about trans people, but didn’t really get in touch with them enough to know more about it. So back then, I didn’t know about all the other possibilities on the wide spectrum that is sexuality.

I identified as bisexual all throughout my high school life. Because I felt attracted to both guys and girls. (Though I did dump one boyfriend with the excuse that I was lesbian because I didn’t know how else to dump him. I’m awkward, people. Just saying.)

The older I got, the more I felt that that label didn’t fit right anymore. It didn’t feel like mine. But I was still a clueless Bee until I got in touch with people from all over the sexuality spectrum through blogging 7 years ago. And that’s how I found the label pansexual. And that felt slightly better, but it still wasn’t really me.

A few years ago, I met a wonderful person who soon became one of my best friends, and she was asexual. She opened me up to the spectrum and it was there I found the name that fit just right.

Demisexual


Tell me all about your own journey in the comments! How do you identify, and for that matter, what pronouns do you prefer?

4 thoughts on “Asexual Awareness Week: How I Found My Identity

  1. Great post Bee! It’s nice to read about someone else’s journey.

    I’m currently struggling a bit because I’m going through some changes and still trying to figure out what they all mean to me. I’m thinking I might be asexual/aegosexual + aromantic. I first read the term “aegosexual” on Reddit and had two thoughts:

    1. Woah that sounds exactly like me.
    2. Wait… this isn’t how everyone feels?

    That’s the one I think I can identify as always being, but taking a long time to realize there was actually a word for it. I’ve enjoyed a lot of steamy romance books in the past, but I’m realizing that’s where the enjoyment ended. I don’t want to actually get involved in it personally / for real.

    Aromantic is a hard one for me to come to terms with though, because I think it’s a new feeling for me. I always saw myself as a very romantic person, and suddenly I don’t think I have that anymore. This definitely feels like a change, rather than a realization of what I always have been, and it’s a little hard/weird to come to terms with. And because it’s such a big change, I definitely find myself wondering if it’s true/real or just generally second guessing myself.

    Like

    • I’m so sorry it’s been hard for you Ashley! Sexuality is definitely a fluid thing and I’ve struggled with it for a long time. I hope you’re surrounded by supportive and understanding people. You can always message me on twitter or something if you need to talk! 💙

      Like

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