September was NOT a good month for me on any level. Okay, no, there were some highlights. But mostly it was a month filled with anxiety, frustration and stress. My vacation ended with a massive panic attack and a very uncomfortable atmosphere, my general frustration over where I’m at in life got to me BIG TIME, and chronic pain in my hip gave me a tonne of stress. So let’s break down the good and the bad in this September recap!
- One-on-One Time With My Boo
September was a very good month for me and my significant other. We had lots of deep talks and fun moments, but the highlight for me was definitely all the one-on-one time we got on vacation. We went swimming, we took long evening walks and really took the time to set aside some quality time for us. The absolute best moment for me was when we decided to leave the domain we were staying and go to the nearby town to visit the beach again. We made the impromptu decision to walk back to the domain over the beach, resulting in us walking with our feet in the water for several miles while we talked and talked and talked under the moonlight. It was such a good and special moment for me that made me feel even closer to him than before. I am so grateful to have him in my corner and support me through all my crazy. I love you, Boo. ❤
- Emma’s Firsts
One thing I was excited about for my vacation was all the firsts Emma was going to have. Her first train ride, her first vacation, first time going to the pool and the beach,… And honestly I am so impressed with this little girl. She was a champ on both train rides, even though she was sick on the way back. She adjusted amazingly considering even though she had some trouble sleeping. She marveled at sea creatures at the aquarium, she splashed around in the pool and absolutely loved the beach and the sea. It was so beautiful to see and honestly I love her to the moon and back.
- The End of Gender-Confusion, Maybe
After a lot of confusion and searching, I came to a conclusion for myself. Which is that I’m non-binary. You can see my post about it over here, and I hope you read it when you’re done with this post and also leave a comment! Spread the love!
- The Writer’s Third Act Block
Okay so writing was going AMAZINGLY throughout the first 46k of my WIP. I wrote every day at least one chapter, at least 1k words. And then the end came near. The last 16k I needed to write to hit my goal. The third act was starting and things were getting intense and then I just… stopped. I took my vacation to refill my creative well in the hopes I’d go back to writing when I got back. But then stuff happened on vacation that triggered me (more on that later) and the block just got bigger. Now I’m at the point where I just have to force myself to break through it or I just end up having yet another unfinished project. And I do NOT want that to happen again.
- A Ball of Frustration, Stress and Anxiety
September equalled frustration, stress and anxiety for me. For some reason, even with my meds and therapy, my mental state was a disaster even before the vacation. I was all over the place and due to a lot of things happening all at once, that festering ball of those emotions just grew and now I’m bursting at the seems with too many big emotions that I don’t really know how to handle. I’m anxious, I’m stressed and so frustrated about where I am in life, in the blogging world, as a writer,… And it’s honestly sucking the life out of me.
- My Vacation’s Disastrous End
Okay so here’s the thing. When my father-in-law offered us to go on vacation with them, it was a good idea. It would give us some more freedom to do things without Emma because they’d be there to help out. And it’d give them some more quality time with her as well. Seeing her go through all these new things. And it went well. For a while. But my father-in-law is not an easy man to live with. He blows everything out of proportions, is quick to anger and basically a big grumpy child when he doesn’t get things his way. That fateful day I just had a horrible night with Emma, I didn’t sleep much and I was sick from the aforementioned walk through the water on the beach. We had planned on going to the aquarium together but obviously I wasn’t feeling it. That evening everything came out. He just started raging about every little thing that we did wrong according to him and I, of course, was sent into a major panic attack due to his behaviour being enormously triggering to me. My mother-in-law took me outside and we went for a walk to get me out of it. I settled down, but the mood was ruined and those last two days were uncomfortable and so different from before. I was so happy to be home but even now I’m still not feeling great about it. Because my trust in him is shattered and I don’t feel comfortable around him at all. Not one bit. And I know I have to work through it because it’s not like we never see each other. But I guess that’s just life, isn’t it?
- Hello There, Reading Slump
Understandably, all of that stuff sent me into a reading slump as well. I read a total of one book all month and I didn’t even really enjoy it all that much. Boo.
- So… Much… Pain…
If all that wasn’t enough yet, I was also diagnosed with chronic pain in my hip. I’ve been having pain in my hip, leg and lower back for months now and I was finally diagnosed and sent to physical therapy but it’s not helping much. It’s really bumming me out because it’s slowing me down in my day-to-day life and it’s yet another thing I’m struggling with.